the new awesome

whatever we are blogging about, that's the new awesome

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Graduating from mascot to scootie is the new awesome

Dear applicant [betsy heywood],

Death Scab for Scootie would like to thank you for your recent application, requesting to be promoted from the rank of gang mascot to official DSFS contributing member. Especially convincing was the set of photos that you enclosed, showing you hard at work as Gang mascot. It appears from the picture that you might even have a little bird terd on your hand. Such sacrifice! Believe us, your efforts to support the Gang have not gone unnoticed.

Equally convincing was your shot of your current Gang scooter situation - you make a valid point, that two scooters hardly makes you a Gang. At least not a very menacing (read: popular) one.

Therefore, after careful review of your case, we are happy to tell you that your promotion is finalized and you can now officially call yourself a full-fledged member of the Death Scab for Scootie gang. You will be entrusted with a scooter or your very own immediately! We made sure that it was identical in every way to the scooters of your comrades so as to not provoke any petty rivalries, and to make you pay close attention to where you parked your scoot. And so that you can appear especially gang-like and menacing (read: nerdy) when driving down the streets of San Francisco together.

Another perk you may appreciate is that you are also now authorized to incorporate the official Death Scab logos on any article of clothing that you desire. Current options include:


Wearing some sort of Death Scab paraphernalia at all times is, of course, encouraged.

Though as the newest member of the Gang you may still be called upon to provide snacks for the rest of the Scooties, from here on out, at least you are only required to carry your own helmet. We welcome you with open (but still tough-looking) arms.

Yours in the pursuit of good mileage and plentiful parking,
The Scabby Powers That Be


  • At 8:35 AM, Blogger Aluwicious said…

    Way to go on the promotion Bets!

  • At 9:14 AM, Blogger bets said…

    Dear Scootie Association,
    Thank you for accepting my membership request. I promise to represent your organization with excitement, safety and style (seriously...did you see my helmet?)

    P.S. I will also keep Bex and Steve in line because sometimes they think they are so good at scootering now that they don't need to be affiliated w/you guys anymore. Ridiculous if you ask me.

  • At 11:47 AM, Blogger Heather said…

    I'm a bit concerned on your wardrobe choice. The shoes and skirt are not regulation DSfS. As an active memeber of said society, I feel a verbal warning is necessary. And advise that future violations will be subject to further corrective action, up to and including termination.

  • At 12:52 PM, Blogger bets said…

    Pssst...Heather...I know...That's what I'm worried about. First it's wearing a skirt instead of the regulation leather pants (or jeans) and puffy black jacket, next thing you know they are going to stop wearing their helmets. Also, can you not tell Bex and Steve I'm totally selling them out? I don't want to have to clean their scooters again.

  • At 3:22 PM, Blogger MLE said…

    Congrats Bets!!! That is the new awesome!

  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger f*bomb. said…

    I vote for scooting in skirts- it's so European!

  • At 9:09 AM, Blogger bex said…

    There is nothing more fun that scooting around in a dress when it is warm outside.

    There is probably also nothing more ridiculous looking. (When you have to scoot in a dress and a big black poofy jacket.)

    Unfortunately, the way you look cutest on a scooter is probably not the safest, since no one can look THAT cute wearing a fatty helmet

  • At 5:01 PM, Blogger f*bomb. said…

    Clearly you have not seen the Thai women scoot. And in Peru, they'll fit several women all glam'd up for nightlife AND their family!

    Maybe if you put a pretty sticker on your fatty helmet, it would make you feel less self-concious.

  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger the santos said…

    Welcome to the gang bets...
    now get me a cookie!

  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger rob said…

    are you guys taking orders for shirts...even if we aren't in the gang?

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger bex said…

    i think we are going to have to do something to make the shirts available to the masses. Good idea, rob.


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