the new awesome

whatever we are blogging about, that's the new awesome

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Cornhole-ing in Ohio is the new awesome

You may remember my last trip to Ohio to visit Ben and Danielle and their new baby Abbey. Apparently they thought it had been too long since I had come to visit, so they decided to have another cute baby to lure me back out for another weekend.

Totally worth a trip to Ohio: Amelia!

Although I was excited to see Abbey again too, this time all grown up into a two year old, I fear the affection was not totally returned.


Now I feel your pain, bets.

Since you can see what I was up against, I feel no shame in admitting to having resorted to bribery in order to establish myself as Favorite Aunt. This obviously meant stocking up on some serious princess gear to make sure that Abbey didn't give me any more of that withering stink face. I thought it would be simple, but do you have any idea how many princess accessories there are out there these days? I spent a good hour in the pink section of Target analyzing different plastic tiara/earring/shoe/dress combos, and debating whether to throw in the talking magic mirror that exclaims "You're a pretty princess" or "Isn't it great to be royalty?" in a very affirming voice.

I think the tiara we came home with was a winner. Proof that even fake diamonds can totally be a girl's best friend:
The other important draw for this trip was the annual Columbus Neighborhood Cornhole Tournament. For those of you unfamiliar with Cornhole (make sure you don't get it confused with THAT kind of cornholing), it is favorite pasttime of many U.S. Americans where a group of people gets together to throw sacks of corn at a board with a hole in it. The game is apparently a pretty big deal out in Ohio and elsewhere in the Midwest.

The "Corn Master" showed us the very official looking winner's flowchart. There was $75 and a spot on the annual Cornhole winner's trophy at stake!

Mike and I warmed up by ruthlessly beating a 6 year old whose best strategy included throwing all of his corn bags at once.

Take that, you foolish 6 year old.
I think that cheap victory gave us a false sense of hope, because our real competition played dirty. Part of Ben's strategy was to have Amelia pee on the corn bags so that no one else would want to pick them up.

Even my most intimidating face didn't help the fact that I couldn't throw the corn bag in the hole to save my life. After a really long game ... we finally admitted defeat.

Mike and I didn't take losing well. I just went and buried all the corn bags out of spite, but I think Mike took it harder and denounced his long-held belief in The Secret, since the cosmos obviously didn't deliver him the victory that he had been asking for.

I am planning on practicing my cornholing over the next year, so that when I attend next year's Championship, my name will have a place in the winner's circle. Danielle and Ben, do you think you could work on having another kid for me to come visit by then?

11 Comments:

  • At 10:49 AM, Blogger William Brian said…

    I once had to dress up like a princess to get my niece to like me. It worked ;) We've been friends ever since.

     
  • At 11:14 AM, Blogger bex said…

    you would be amazed at how many things dressing like a princess will get you in life.

     
  • At 11:22 AM, Blogger AlisonM said…

    Oh man am I a midwesterner. We just call it "bean bags" rather than cornholing, but it's the same thing I think. I have boards squished into my apartment (somewhat blocking the back door at the moment) if you want to practice before your next trip. They were a wedding present!

     
  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger plainoldsarah said…

    so are you saying i shouldn't bother reading "the secret"? a student insisted i read it last year so i finally picked up a copy. it secretly sits on my bookshelf currently gathering dust.

     
  • At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes! BOTH Ohio & cornhole make it on a blog. An Awesome blog. I've been out West for a year & *shock* almost forgot about cornhole. A little addicting, no? Thanks for dredging up some good memories of me NOT kicking butt in the game.

     
  • At 7:31 AM, Blogger each of the two said…

    you know, you could just stop posting here.

    these kiddies are super cute! makes me wanna go pick up a few at Wally-world.


    (bet your roomate's offspring with be super cute too!)

    (not to imply that yours would not be...)

    (shit, hard to type with a foot in my mouth)

     
  • At 6:22 PM, Blogger Liz said…

    um, hi, you don't know me, but that guy Mike you are with is my very own brother! My friend (katie a) sent me a link to this and was all like, isn't that your brother in the pictures at the bottom of this blog that I frequent? Sure enough, it is. Funny. I can't wait to bring up cornhole-ing to him and witness his utter confusion about how I happen to know about cornhole-ing.

     
  • At 11:35 PM, Blogger the youngs said…

    We just bought our own family cornhole set to play! Thanks to our sis-in-law, we have found a way to entertain ourselves for endless hours!!

     
  • At 12:12 AM, Blogger bex said…

    liz! the internet brings yet more souls together. when bringing up your brother's cornhole-ing skills, you should also ask him about the new astronaut move he invented for entertaining babies.

     
  • At 12:30 PM, Blogger Benielle said…

    Bex we LOVED having you! Abbey misses you (or the fairy godmother that appeared to give her shiny earrings and a crown)

    As for our Westgate Labor Day Cornhol Tournament: people are still talking about you and the terrible bouncy board that you had to play on. You will do so much better next year, just stay away from the bad board and the 6 year olds.

    Alisonm did you really get cornhole boards for your wedding!? You are the luckiest.

    ~d

     
  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger eve said…

    The funny thing is I know that guy Ben. From back in the Provo days... I just check out the new awesome and I find long lost friends. Okay, I didn't know him that well but my roommate dated his friend. Now he's in Ohio, huh? Hi!

     

Post a Comment

<< Home